brothers ...

its hard for me to imagine a friend as good as a brother, either a blood brother or a spiritual brother. and its amazing b/c in conversation with these brothers, i can sense God's love ... and that spurs me on to worship him, for his love through the best of friends i have.

see, i just had a conversation with one of my best friends who is living in Fort Worth TX, this year and next ... but I also roomed with him for two years during our undergraduate years ... and we are simply best friends. he called me today out of the blue and we had a great chance to catch up.

then as it ended he said he enjoyed our hour and a half long conversation ... 1 & 1/2 Hours ... i don't do that ... at least purposefully ... cause i am sure you know my hatred of phones ... !

but, at the end of it, i also relieved that God pours out his great and wondrous love upon his children through the love expressed between his children, the church! i think people often say, 'I wish I could feel God's loves' ... well, I can and do frequently ... and one such experience was today in this conversation with my best friend ... and the amount of laughter and good discussion between us in which the love of the Lord is made evident to me, urges me, with all that I am to go a worship Him ... and that's where I am going now ... goodbye 

For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother - phm 1:7

MARK II

He is having surgery, to remove his gall bladder tomorrow about mid-day.

The most important thing in this is that it can be preformed microscopically, which is iffy due to all the previous scare tissue across his stomach from surgeries during his early childhood.

He is still in pain, but its being controlled with pain killers. Also pray he remain patient in his waiting til tomorrow.

MARK

Mark is in the hospital, originally for IV antibiotics to treat a little lung infection, as of a week ago. But Monday he awoke with severe pain in his gut, and this is not too uncommon, just troublesome and incredibly painful. His gut was ... well ... stopped up. And like I said, not uncommon for CF patients.

All day Monday he was in awful pain, and finally things got moving late Monday afternoon, after a lot of tears, both from him and my mom, after a lot of prayer, and after a conference phone call between Mom and Mark, Dad, and I ... for a family prayer time ... and its interesting to pray over someone who is suffering with something you have personally suffered through before. Not even two hours later, the Lord Jesus answered and relieved Mark. Praise him!

But, he began late Monday night to hurt with very sharp acute pain in his gut, again. The only sleep he got was about 10pm-1am with the help of morphine, then 1-4am with more morphine, and again a dose at 4am.

Yesterday, the did some tests and they showed his gall bladder may be messed up ... I am not sure what that means, but I had mine removed back in the day, so I know it can cause a lot of pain. The waited all day into the evening to hear from the surgical team, about whether or not they would remove his gall bladder, and the doctor who came and spoke was confused & confusing, according to my mom.

So, then mysteriously, he fell asleep with no pain - which is good, but odd too. So now, after not eating for nearly 4 days, he is still waiting to figure out what going on. 

So....PRAY FOR HIM, my MOM, and my DAD ... for perseverance, patience, faith, and strength, for wisdom to know how to praise the Lord despite the suffering and trials .. cause all this is taking its toll on my family, and especially Mark ... pray for special outpourings of the Lord's grace and love too.

Thanks yall

yellow, green, & red food ...

this is a combination i learned courtesy of my older brother, Ben. he lives in SD, Cal. and they love ... by they, I mean all those crazy liberals ... they love avocado! And turns out, i do too, on everything ... I mean i liked it just fine before, but now with opened eyes ... i can taste all the new possibilities ...

a good breakfast = scramble eggs with cheese, fresh avocado, and tapatio hot sauce, and a pinch of salt and pepper as desired! the result .... well ... see below ...

its delicious and healthy, especially if you only use one yoke/3 eggs or some combination like it ... give a try, you'll be hooked.

silly monster in my head ...

between yesterday and today I have entirely run the gamut of mental ups and downs - yesterday I was ready to kill someone, anyone, to break something or anything ... I had decided at some point in time that life yesterday was gonna suck ... and it did ... and I am not by any means proud of that, thats simply, stupidly how I was yesterday.... 

today, totally opposite.... almost. I was quite irritated when I got all the way into the office, only then realizing that I had not taken my am medicines ... I was rather short tempered ... but as the day worn on, and it proved to be actually, by all measures, very fruitful and productive ... and I forgot about the 15 minute inconvenience of not having grabbed my medicine on the way out the door ... I began the long process of getting things lined up for my new experiment, hopefully to be installed and running early next week ... I caught up on some studies, got some excel outlines set up for my new experiment ... made plans with some friends ... got my weekend to mobile all figured out ... it was good all around ... and then when I got home, I had energy to ride about 5 mi roundtrip on my bike to going climbing at a indoor wall ... but no one ever showed up, so I just rode back on home, ate a good grilled cooked meal, and then proceeded to do my abs and push ups routine, just before now ... yet, a dark spot remains ... Mark, is still in the hospital with some stomach issues, and may have to have gall bladder surgery within several days ... I have not heard for sure ... 

funny how am outlook and perspective can change so drastically ... and I can feel how the enemy is attempting to make me feel guilty, as I have not spent, my "ideal" time with the Lord today ... but it’s an empty lie...

things barak obama hates ...

I can think of a number of things B-rak Obama hates. and I am now the proud owner of one of those things ... !

My newest addition to the collection of "gear" or "items" I need to sustain habits/hobbies .... 

Currently I have gear/items to sustain:rock climbing (both bouldering and sport climbing), backpacking and all the gear entailed in that, mountain biking, road biking, a bit of photography, ukulele,  and most recently hunting ... as I killed my first deer (doe) over Christmas break! It was amazing, click here for the post ... and as soon as it was dead, i knew i had to get a gun ... and shortly after arriving back in Auburn - WAR DAMN EAGLE! - some of my buddies and I were out shootin' - guns include two 9mm handguns, two .22 rifles, and one 270 rifle (the same size rifle I killed my dear with)

22's are little, fun rifles. simply for fun, maybe to kill a squirrel, scare a coyote, or whatever, and the rounds are cheap, really cheap.

So what do I now have that B-rak hates? ... a brand new Savage 64 FX rifle ... here she is ... 

one man ... not two!

I always think - or rather often - that there lives inside of me, two men.

I say that, but I don't have multiple personalities, I just a Spirit Adam and Flesh Adam. Spirit Adam is willing and fervently desirous of serving the Lord with all that makes him who he is ... namely, Christ crucified and life in Him. Flesh Adam just straight up sucks. I actually cant stand him, he doesn't keep cool when patience run low, he doesn't hold his tongue when he knows he should, he cant even go a day without diverting the Spirit Adam away from pursuing the Lord ... he is in crappy condition.

the Spirit Adam always wishes to influence and change the Flesh Adam for the better, to look like Jesus, but the Flesh Adam usually slays that desire of the Spirit Adam by some sly lie. he is unspeakably deceitful!

the good news is that the Spirit Adam has a great Ally! whom is the great Ally you ask? its Jesus, the Great I Am, the Ancient of Days, the Lord of Lords, and King of Kings, the One who was, and is, and is to be! this is the best news ever!, b/c the Flesh Adam has nothing, not even an ounce on Jesus... its simple, He is the Greatest, not the greatest x, y, or z ... He is just the Greatest and therefore Flesh Adam stands no chance, and one day he will be totally slain, dead and defeated, for Spirit Adam to revel in the great vastness of Jesus' holiness and might ... that's gonna be a good day, to say the very least!

cursed is the one who cannot abide ...

i fell asleep last night feeling condemned for some choices i made yesterday, and then 7 hours later, awoke feeling the same weight of condemnation and judgement, heavily upon my soul and heart ... a false condemnation, b/c - & of course - the Lord graciously, oh so graciously beyond words and any thought process i can scrape together proclaims, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" - and i ask, has there ever been a greater proclamation ... Jesus is my hope and my light, my joy and my true Rock ... the enemy has nothing over Christ the Lord, risen and reigning Savior for all eternity!

Shane & Shane have a song - Embracing Accusation, which describes my life last night and this morning perfectly ... but JESUS SAVES!

The father of lies
Coming to steal 
Kill and destroy 
All my hopes of being good enough 
I hear him saying cursed are the ones 
Who can’t abide 
He’s right 
Alleluia he’s right! 

The devil is preaching 
The song of the redeemed 
That I am cursed and gone astray 
I cannot gain salvation 
Embracing accusation 

Could the father of lies 
Be telling the truth 
Of God to me tonight? 
If the penalty of sin is death 
Then death is mine 
I hear him saying cursed are the ones 
Who can’t abide 
He’s right 
Alleluia he’s right! 

Oh the devil’s singing over me 
An age old song 
That I am cursed and gone astray 
Singing the first verse so conveniently 
He’s forgotten the refrain 
Jesus saves!

friday is for pot ...

not that kind, you dang druggie!

tomorrow for 1 pm on through however long it may take, I will be filling pots with a very fertile and rich mix along with plants to go in them ... literally, i think we have at least (at minimum) 500 to do tomorrow, which in reality is not that much ... but, then we have some seeds we have just sown (and more to sow on monday) and already we have with a conservative guess .... 2000 seeds sown ... now not all of that will successfully germinate ... but most of it will ... plus whatever is still to come on monday and the weeks following ...

now all i need to know, is how much of all of this is going into my new study ... probably starting Saturday!

gotta love it

a biscuit tribute

an ode to biscuits ...

i have a professor, whose wife cooks home made biscuits for any and all who would come and eat them every Tuesday morning ... from 7-9:30 ... its one of the more amazing things of my entire auburn career ... i mean, i can wake up late and roll out of bed and have a hot breakfast ... but not just bed .... she always has with the biscuits ... a ham, some variety of fruit, a host of drinks, including an unending pot of coffee, a wide assortement of jellies - often homemade jams - she even has sugar free jellies for the diabetic who goes to be filled ... she has to big chucks of cheese, typically cheddar (my favorite) and some mixed cheese (yellow and white) ... not sure what it is, but its tasty ... she even made sweet potato biscuits for us one morning ... again entirely homemade ... and when i say home made, i mean it ... there is no mix to add milk and eggs to ... it is flour and whatever else goes into biscuits all over her counter, with pan after pan after pan ... after pan of biscuits continuously being served to all who hunger ... imagine the best biscuit you have ever had ... multiply the yummy goodness of that by about 12.37 and thats how good these are ... they are crisp, yet fluffy, always warm and golden baked across the top ... then the rest is up to your very own personal preference ... maybe you want a ham and cheese biscuit, you're in luck ... maybe you just want a plain biscuit to slip pieces to Ace, the family mascot Boxer ... who is always game for a biscuit or as many as he could get in his stomach ... maybe you want a jellied biscuit with a tall cold glass of milk ... its there ... fresh apples? yep ... everything ...

still the best part of it all is the open door policy, the welcoming of students into a home, and a good home ... parents who love their 2 kids (one of whom is in college), and by the nature of their kids, love all who visit them as well ... just differently than they love their kids ... they do it, all on their own accord, to serve and love us in a tangible way ... to love us thru the open hands and heart of Jesus Christ ... its simply great.

providence today is spelled ... GRACE

i just re-read my post from a day or so ago when i questioned whether the Lord was really wanting to me to pursue discipline or not ... and I address that I thought the enemy might be aiming to falsely convict me .... well, I know now beyond any shadow of a doubt .... in light of my post previous to this one, and the one in light of the post I first mentioned .... sweet goodness, praise the Lord!

an undisciplined whore ... really.

I write this post as I am listening to Derek Webb’s she must & shall go free album, and currently its playing the song wedding dress ... and is aiding in my thought process of what happened yesterday in my life

Please know, I write posts like this one with a heavy heart, at times using this as a media to delay going before the Lord.

Yesterday held such promise, such hope and joy to behold and take in like a wide-eyed child at an amusement park! There were promises of great communion, great fellowship and worship, of love and honor unto the Lord ... but for the results of such promises and hopes, travel to Saturday night is required.... 

To say the least, Saturday was a good day, a slow day but a good one (& cold) ... I went shooting with some friends, afterward splitting ways & I headed home. 

I don’t know when it started, but all that lead to Sunday, flowed straight out of Saturday night ... but after my roommate and I had dinner ... venison burgers with sausage (not deer) on the side, and with thick cut bacon on top with onions and tomatoes ... it was a delight, and as I sat there looking at the meat to be grilled, and to fill our stomachs ... I was blown out away at how the Lord provides ... and we stopped right there are praise the name of Jesus with an overflowing grateful heart for the food he had provided by way of my killing that deer we were grilling ...

Then lo & behold, after dinner ... apparently a prime time for the enemy to victoriously sneak attack innocent, unknowingly and unprepared prey ... such as myself. you see, my roommate has some high school football conf. in Nashville, that he left really early Sunday morning for ... so he went to bed very early, nearly right after we ate... and having just ate, I was full and ready for a hibernatory nap ... at least for a while. I think I fell asleep briefly, but I know I was back awake by 10 pm. at which point I thought about going to bed ... and that was the point of descent ... because I at that point, instead of preparing faithfully for the Lord's day by resting well enough to be up and awake on Sunday morning, I stayed plopped on the couch like a slug until late ... wandering up and down the channel selection for hours, aimlessly, looking for something to please me ... and interest me ... I don’t recall that I found anything of any value ....

At some point in time I went to bed. And there another turning point occurred ... I deliberately turned off my alarm.... so I would sleep late and not attend church ... for which I have honestly no good reason, I was tired, just being lazy and slacking in discipline.... 

but, by the Lord's grace, I awoke with no alarm at 8:14 am ... an hour before church started, yet, I only got up, visited the bathroom briefly, and crawled worthlessly back into bed, noting the time thinking I would just get up for the service ... no. I didn’t wake back up 'til 10:52 am ... or somewhere around there ... not showered, hungry and unmotivated ... complacent enough to not care that I missed church simply because I wanted to miss it ... consider James one in light of how (even Saturday night) the sin crept in and laid waste to my spirit, so my being would follow the flesh's desires... 

but it ends not there ... whenever I finally did awake for good ... I ate briefly, then what did I do? I didn’t start cleaning like I needed to ... or working on school stuff ... like I promised myself I would ... what did I do? Nothing other than literally lay on the couch again for the rest of the day, minus a few minutes here or there to visit the bathroom again or get some more food to snack on... 

And by the end of it all ... I awoke at 4:53 am this morning to crawl into bed and sleep until sun up... 

So, all this talk about discipline ... is a lot of talk, with little action to follow it recently...! Yesterday, I truly whored myself out to a determined choice of undisciplined...

Traditions & Lies

I became aware, earlier last night, that all this talk I am doing about discipline is not as important as i thought. Or is it? See, I have been reading through the gospel of Mark, and coming to chapter 7, Jesus is addressing the Pharisees, namely calling them out as the hypocrites they were ... and I ask, might I be a hypocrite too? But that is for another time.

I began thinking that as Jesus condemned the Pharisees for all the 'traditions of men' that they were so good at keeping, that maybe some of these areas in my life that I want to practice more discipline in were, well  ... simply nothing but "traditions" I was imposing on my own life to be more spiritual, and subsequently replacing the 'commandment of God, and holding to the tradition of men' ... ?

Could it be? Could I be so blind? Oh how I thought - I am sure - I began pursuing this because of the Lord's direction. How can I be so misguided?

Yet, in a moment of great grace this morning, as I began to pursue the Lord in prayer & in reading, I had my thought process on this issue redirected toward the Lord. You see, it occurred to me (by the Holy Spirit guiding me), that maybe, just maybe the enemy doesn't want me practicing any disciplines that will help me to be overall, more disciplined? Is that possible?

I would beg to say YES, and ABSOLUTELY.

I have not decided with certainty which way the Lord is directing me on this issue, but I am expecting to know sometime today, and I trust the Lord will reveal with his heavenly wisdom if I am pursuing some worthless 'tradition' that I just self-imposed, or if this over-arching theme of discipline is a worthy pursuit, which will prove beneficial in how I walk, serve and fellowship with the Lord, in how I conduct myself & use the 24 hours given to me in a day, and how I use my life to glorify the Lord.

I praise my Lord, my Savior, Jesus, the Christ, for wisdom and for speaking to me today. I rejoice in knowing that the answer and outcome is sure and certain. Now I wait with great anticipation to see how the Lord is going to work in me, today! 

Venemous, Shark-eating Dinosaurs!

evolution.

oh joy.

I am not going to attack it, but I am going to let you know what I believe ... because, this month (& semester) at Auburn University ... we are celebrating 200 years of Darwin.

and it just so happens that I am taking a Systematic Botany course ... in which, evolution, is the foundation of this course ... apparently (whether it really is or isn't), because during the second day of class, my professors starts to, as it were, preach evolution to us, quoting an old school botanist, Dobzhansky (whoever that is?), stating, “nothing in biology makes sense, except in the light of evolution” ... which is basically like a statement of faith ... or in this case, of simple belief ... in something that's not really explainable, yet is based on facts ... unexplainable (and i believe unjustifiable) facts.

you may think, well Christianity, & the belief in a God, comprised of three individuals being yet still One in the same person, is a belief system not explainable, but that is reconciled in several ways:

1) personal testimony of God's providence in one's life, which in my mind is a firmly founded argument

2) its faith based - I don't need facts, or signs, or wonders, just knowing & experiencing (see #1) a God who loves me and desires intimacy is enough

but, an evolutionist, would argue the facts of evolution are sound and sure. but they are not. even the expert evolutionists don't know the origin of existence, and claim that the "design"  observed in the world (note the word, design) - from cells, to organisms, to universal order ... is an evolutionary design, not a God design ... Really?

but at the core of all of it ... why people get hostile, is that its not so much as a scientific argument, as it is a worldview difference ...

Christians hold that the Lord, God Almighty, is Creator and actually did create the world, some will hold to different lengths of time during the "7 days" of creation ... amongst other variations, but all Christians hold to creationism (or so I believe).

while Evolutionists and other science community members who hold to evolution, cannot fathom a world created, as we know it, by a higher being - most often considered to be the God of the Bible they are arguing against.

they would argue that "intelligent design" is an attack on evolution by Christians. when in reality, it is not. I will give them that some make it that, and that's stupid, if any progress in allowing ID to be considered in the scientific community is desired. but, if approached and considered by an actual scientific community member, it is from the standpoint that it is actually a possibly, because evolution just does not answer the question, How did the world begin? - it cant, it doesn't. and therefore, b/c science is about expanding knowledge, addressing, and asking question that address anything that may prove to be more than a passing thought .... then by definition, science should probe at such inquiries ... without reaction, other than support ... but the again, Galileo was hated for his theories too!

if you are interested in knowing more about evolution and intelligent design, go watch Ben Stein's Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed documentary.

irony of honesty ...

sometimes honesty, in the sense of a confession, can be funny. i am not sure why or how, but it can be. earlier, after coming home from work, i had a burden to confess something to my roommate, with whom i am accountable with ... and out of no where, i just threw it out there for him to here ... his reaction ... laughter!

laughter?

yeah, laughter!

then I laughed, too.

then he followed with, "its not funny (referring to the confession of sin), but the blunt honesty made me laugh ... "

then we laughed a lil' more, and then addressed the issue at hand ...

sorrowful yet rejoicing

as i mentioned earlier (previous post) today has been a sad day ... and to be quite honest, i am pretty down and sad. my heart is heavy with great saddenness for those two families who lost their father ... i cant imagine and i know they are hurting, and I am really so so sad for them ...to the point that I am a little depressed over it all ... i guess the body hurts when one part of it hurt, or for that matter two parts ...

but, i know there is hope ... seemingly so far away on the otherside of heaven ... so even with a heart full of sorrow and sadness, i rejoice for i know both fathers are with the Lord Almighty rejoicing and praising Him  ... for the next eternity.

a hard grace ...

today has been challenging to say the least ... and very sad. its been a day where simply due the pain some of my friends are feeling, that I am hurting as well ... and sorrowful with them.

today I got the news that the fathers of two of my friends have died within the last few days.

one was very unexpected and shocking, devastating and heart wrenchingly sad ... my heart goes out to them. he left behind his wife and two sons.

the other family lost their father and husband to a valiant fight with cancer. he died like a saint should die, he died a death that completely glorified God. this father passed before his wife, son and daughter. this one I feel had to be seen coming ... but that doesn't make it easy. 

but both of my friends in these two families are pushing on and trusting God like champs ... in ways I don't know if I could, if I ever faced their current situations ... I pray I never have to face that loss!

but in the sadness and empty place in their hearts, both of them know full and well that God is supremely in control and gracious with peace, comfort and rest, full of mercy and unparalleled love ... i hurt for their hurt.

deluges of grace for pathetic people ...

I have been told I am hard on myself ... from a number of people, and a lot recently. I think this is valuable for me to know ... and I think I knew it before people were telling me, but never like I do now. 

part of this is due to being a perfectionist and therefore extremely detail-oriented ... you should see how much detail work goes into anything of mine .... like a power point, a spreadsheet, notes I types ... that's not to say I am OCD, I just have a particular way I like things to be done, and I think if one part be done right, why not all of it. ... anyway, I am straying big time from my point...

so, I am too hard on myself ... and a lot of evidence for this claims come out when I am sharing with friends how my walk (through my perception) is at the moment.  I was told again today that I am too hard on myself ... and I don't mind being told that, cause I think it can be a sinful thing, if I am not careful ...

but, the guy who told me today, is discipling me ... actually today was the first time we actually met and it was good. I have know Glenn for sometime now - 6 months or so ... and we have hit it off. He is 40 something years old with a wife and three kids, who are awesome. yet, within minutes of beginning our conversation today, he observed and told me I seem to be hard on myself ... he got this figured out within minutes of me sitting down ... I don't know what that means, other than he read me right pretty quickly ... 

but more than that, we have hit off big time. for being separated by 20 some odd years, we are good buddies. today all we did was share our hearts with each other, to be transparent to be honest, like Christians are called to be ... we fellowshiped, laughed, prayed, and glorified God together .... and now, I offer my praise yet again for that time. b/c not only have we hit off ... we share some of the same struggles and concerns ... those will remain private, as that is between he and I.

so my point is, God is way more gracious than I so deserve. Not only has he provided a disciple for me as i have been longing for one for a little over three years now, but the Lord has provided already a great friend and brother in Glenn, and together we will be honoring to the Lord and encouraging to each other ... and that is a massive dose of God's great grace, if ever I have seen one!

and all this comes after a semester i struggled spiritually through ... it was just one of those dry times, you know? but it was one of those times on steroids ... and it was tough. and there is hurt between the Lord and I ... due to my wavering, and double minded nature. 

yet, whats so amazing, is that the Lord is restoring me and doing a great work in my heart, in my soul, and in my mind ... to fill it with the glorious and life giving good news of the gospel .... ! and i don't mean the gospel like, Jesus died on a cross for my sin. (read in a boring lifeless voice to get my point) ... I mean the gospel like, Sweet goodness I am destined & righteously condemned to hell due to having spit in the face & hung the Son of God, JESUS Christ on the altar of God's wrath ... due to be an enemy of God ... and I deserve the judgement and outpouring of that wrath ... but instead, I receive pardon and forgiveness, love and acceptance, grace and compassion, adoption and justification from the Father of Lights, the Ancient of Days, the Great I Am! The God who created me and everything I know, has died and RISEN and is now REIGNING in Heaven for his glory and due to his glory, he has saved me ... because he loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me complete. He loves me eternally. He loves me perfectly. He loves me unconditionally. ... Because he loves me!

oh how sweet the love of Jesus .. .that He die to save a wretch like myself ... praise be to our great Lord!

discipline + research ...

discipline sucks.

but thats not to say i wont push on. it just sucks, b/c it means you're forcing yourself to complete X task at hand, even though you hate that task (or at least potentially hate it)

right now, i am sitting in an ole musty office (my own plus 8 other grad students) attempting to research about things I dont have the slightest knowledge of or concern about!

so, yes, it sucks ... but its good. kind of like a healing cut itches, and that itch drives you crazy ... but its healing, so its all good.

joys of discipline ...

i dont make new years resolutions ... but i do look back at recently ended years and rejoice over what the Lord has done and then aim to look forward to what He will do this next year ... Phil 3:14!

and I seek to see what needs improvement in my life ... and I have come to a very strict and firm conclusion that discipline is a highly lacking area in my life. now, i know, this is very shocking and earth shattering ... a child of God needing to practice discipline better! oh my gosh! crazy ... I know, I know.

but, hopefully as the next days, weeks, and even months pass I will have many new thoughts about discipline and how through seeking the Lord for more discipline in all walks of my life, I will develop new insights which i can share ... I am very excited about this, cause I have a very strong conviction that this is what the Lord wants me to strive after ... discipline in all areas of life!

so, more to come, I promise ... 

and in the mean time, the prominent areas are spiritual disciplines in seeking the Lord through the various means of grace He has graciously given to us, physical disciplines to be in better shape through consistent and well round exercise and earlier bed time for earlier rise and shine times, work/school disciplines, which is basically not procrastinating.

so with that, I jump in head first, trusting the Lord for this work which He is beginning!

h o p e

hope.

oh what a blessing ... to be able to hope in something concrete and real, firm and eternal, pure and just!

my hope is in Jesus, my Savior. He is doing a new work in my heart, a work in my being that I need desperately, because I am so full of sin, so wretched and bastardly toward the Lord ... but in the sweet and most delightful name of Jesus the Christ, the risen and reigning Son of the Most High God, I have a hope that cannot be shaken or taken from me ... ever. I am saved in Christ Jesus, and He has made me is, that I may lay hold of that for which He has laid hold of me ... ie - HIS GLORY!

today I was so encouraged to know that people, I consider mentors of the faith to me, struggle as i do ... thats not to say I am rejoicing in others' struggles ... but that the Lord would grant it for both my friend and I to confess to one another very current issues in our lives, that are affecting us in numerous ways ... and the hope that brothers' struggling together can both hide under the shelter of the cross and approach boldly, yet humbly the throne, and know we will be welcomed in ... b/c the certificate of death against me, has been nailed to the cross ... and that certificate was the perfectly holy Jesus ... now resurrected and reigning!

I love Jesus, and He is my only hope and my rock ... 

v o i c e

how do I say it?  
how are the words to come out? 
what would you say if you knew?

is the chance worth it?
oh, to speak my heart to you!
if not now, will I ever?

words are not enough,
nor lousy poems either!
my way is only to show!

to you I would say,
you eyes bright and gorgeous!
you smile inspiring!

shall your hand I take?
your heart to hold & cherish?
your company to soak up? 

but lo, damn silence!
deafening silence still,
no words I speak nor hints shown.

have I missed it all? 
is the chance forever gone?
has the silence slain it all?

virgin wilderness, virgin hunter ...

Yesterday, I spent the majority of my day, sitting very still, being cold, watching for a deer I could kill ... in some very pretty woods/fields ... it was quite nice.

It also just happened to be my first time hunting, ever! I came to learn several things:1) patience is a virtue and it does pay off, 2)sitting waiting for a deer to kill is good reflection and prayer time, and 3) I love hunting ... those would be the three essentials I took away from my time yesterday. 

Hunting builds patience b/c as everyone knows, all you do is sit and wait and wait and wait and wait and watch and wait and wait.... and .... Wait! Exciting huh?

Well, sure enough, at some point in time my mind started wandering and dreaming as it were, not sure about what (but probably something worthless) ... and then after having waited for oh two and a half hours or so ... I snapped out of my day dream and there she was, the first of two deer I saw all day ... about 75-80 yards off.

She was a full grown, mature doe, beautiful and majestic ... very very aware too! Aware of what...? Well, everything ... my breath, the creaky chair, the thoughts in my head of shooting her ... and over the next few moments as I positioned the 270 Browning rifle I was holding, adjusting so the crosshairs were right behind her shoulder, she walked behind a large tree with a lot of dead leaves still hanging on ... out of sight, but certainly not out of mind ... So as any eager virgin hunter, I took a few deep breaths and I adjusted my sight to take her out as she walked out from behind the tree ... but not three minutes after her arrival did another, very similarly sized doe walk out right behind her!

Number two stopped shy of the tree, and low and below, I was already adjusted for aiming right at her! I gave her about a minute and then ... it happened ... WHAMMY! BLAST! CA-POW! BAM! (I know my sound effects are amazing!)

She leapt about 8ft in the air, ran for about twenty yards and fell dead! My very first deer, dead and ready for butchering in a matter of seconds ... and as for me, well, I have lost my hunting virginity at the ripe ole'age of 23. Not a day too early. 

I still cannot get over that feeling ... the adrenaline and excitement pulsing hard through my veins, the heightened senses and quickened breathing ... before I totally knew it; I had her down for the count... coldstone dead... but not cold at all.

We field dressed her, took her home, butchered her up, and in the realm of hunting, I became a man!