I am recognizing more and more insights into how I function as a fallen human being, and as a Child of God. I am, by God's grace alone, recognizing the cycles that flow from sin, do not have to flow. Let me explain. I am to the point where, once I sin I readily know there to be two options.
First, I can flee in cowardice from God, not owning my sin, not admitting my wrong, not acknowledging Christ's lordship which demands repentance and instead run wholeheartedly into sin. I say 'wholeheartedly' because I do not honestly think there is any other way of willfully participating in sin. If you know you have sinned, know what you ought to do afterward, and don't ... can it be anything else than wholehearted rebellion?
- OR -
Second, I can humble myself before the Lord, by His grace at work in this corrupted heart of mine and throw myself upon His mercy and plead forgiveness. Thing is, there is no real need to plead, because in Christ mercy and pardon have already been purchased. God's mercy and pardon do not change on account of my sin or your sin, they simply are. Just as God is, all of what flows from Him (in this case mercy and pardon), they are. That is not to say that I am not pleading, because I am. I feel pleading is the place a humble heart goes. Nor am I saying that I can simply choose to be humble before God. Its a battle, spiritual, requiring the slaying of self, pride, and ambition; trusting that God will honor a feeble heart's desire to find humility at the throne.
This is the place I find myself today. Its not good to be here, but its good to know that God's arm is indeed not too short to save anyone, even me! "Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or His ear dull, that it cannot hear" (Isa 59:1). So, with these lips I utter His praise, that He is continually saving me, to make me reflect more of Christ!