deluges of grace for pathetic people ...

I have been told I am hard on myself ... from a number of people, and a lot recently. I think this is valuable for me to know ... and I think I knew it before people were telling me, but never like I do now. 

part of this is due to being a perfectionist and therefore extremely detail-oriented ... you should see how much detail work goes into anything of mine .... like a power point, a spreadsheet, notes I types ... that's not to say I am OCD, I just have a particular way I like things to be done, and I think if one part be done right, why not all of it. ... anyway, I am straying big time from my point...

so, I am too hard on myself ... and a lot of evidence for this claims come out when I am sharing with friends how my walk (through my perception) is at the moment.  I was told again today that I am too hard on myself ... and I don't mind being told that, cause I think it can be a sinful thing, if I am not careful ...

but, the guy who told me today, is discipling me ... actually today was the first time we actually met and it was good. I have know Glenn for sometime now - 6 months or so ... and we have hit it off. He is 40 something years old with a wife and three kids, who are awesome. yet, within minutes of beginning our conversation today, he observed and told me I seem to be hard on myself ... he got this figured out within minutes of me sitting down ... I don't know what that means, other than he read me right pretty quickly ... 

but more than that, we have hit off big time. for being separated by 20 some odd years, we are good buddies. today all we did was share our hearts with each other, to be transparent to be honest, like Christians are called to be ... we fellowshiped, laughed, prayed, and glorified God together .... and now, I offer my praise yet again for that time. b/c not only have we hit off ... we share some of the same struggles and concerns ... those will remain private, as that is between he and I.

so my point is, God is way more gracious than I so deserve. Not only has he provided a disciple for me as i have been longing for one for a little over three years now, but the Lord has provided already a great friend and brother in Glenn, and together we will be honoring to the Lord and encouraging to each other ... and that is a massive dose of God's great grace, if ever I have seen one!

and all this comes after a semester i struggled spiritually through ... it was just one of those dry times, you know? but it was one of those times on steroids ... and it was tough. and there is hurt between the Lord and I ... due to my wavering, and double minded nature. 

yet, whats so amazing, is that the Lord is restoring me and doing a great work in my heart, in my soul, and in my mind ... to fill it with the glorious and life giving good news of the gospel .... ! and i don't mean the gospel like, Jesus died on a cross for my sin. (read in a boring lifeless voice to get my point) ... I mean the gospel like, Sweet goodness I am destined & righteously condemned to hell due to having spit in the face & hung the Son of God, JESUS Christ on the altar of God's wrath ... due to be an enemy of God ... and I deserve the judgement and outpouring of that wrath ... but instead, I receive pardon and forgiveness, love and acceptance, grace and compassion, adoption and justification from the Father of Lights, the Ancient of Days, the Great I Am! The God who created me and everything I know, has died and RISEN and is now REIGNING in Heaven for his glory and due to his glory, he has saved me ... because he loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me complete. He loves me eternally. He loves me perfectly. He loves me unconditionally. ... Because he loves me!

oh how sweet the love of Jesus .. .that He die to save a wretch like myself ... praise be to our great Lord!