i recently changed the name of my blog to adopted bastards, with reason enough to leave it that, b/c it came about via conversation, good deep meaningful and lasting conversation, about which i want to remember some important points.
i was down on myself for being a crappy christian, as i had recently confessed some things to my roommate and another unbelievably good friend and brother of mine, both who act as accountability partners for me for certain areas of life. i am very aware and mindful of the blessing they are in my life, and I am grateful to the Lord Almighty for them. ... anyway, whining, that's really what is was, but true none the less, because i am (as well as you, be you a child of God) called to holiness ... my definition of holiness - godliness, perfect righteousness, goodness.
but the whole irony of life as a Christian is, though we are called to holiness and godliness, we cannot achieve it in this life, sure it is being worked out by the great mysterious work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, that work we call sanctification, what a great promise! but still, this is the idea of now but not yet, which is to say, in Christ I am perfect now, but not yet for His kingdom does not fully dwell here, and thus His righteousness is not yet fully imparted on me, as i am still capable of choosing earthly, fleshly sins over obedience to the Greatest and Best.
the confession was a great and devastating blow and realization, that i am not as holy and godly as i act ... and as perceived! imagine that, a christian being a hypocrite! i was, needless to say, bogged down in the nasty, thick mire of my own flesh, or as John described it: For all that is in the world--the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions--is not from the Father but is from the world (I John2:16). i realized that i consistently walk too closely, involved, and intertwined with the world ... thus possibly making myself an enemy of God, You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4). the outcome of friendship with the world is so incredibly dangerous, its a bold and highly prideful thing to make oneself the enemy of God, simply b/c He is God, and the entire everything of existence is secure in the palm of His hand ... thus if i or anyone be His enemy, He can simply allow us to be that way, irrevocably ... take for example those Paul spoke of in Romans 1 ...
Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity ... they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions ... And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. (Rom 1:22-32).
its a very real and fine line in which i may cross to act as the enemy of the Lord, and the prince of this world is certainly good at tempting me to cross that line, thats not to say my sin is his fault, my sin is my fault (James 1:14-15). i say its easy, because, well just consider what is mentioned in the bible about faith!... For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin ...(Rom 14:23) & without faith it is impossible to please [God] (Heb 11:6), so then, how often do i act out of faith, or how often am i motivated to obey based on faithful obedience ... and yes, i know this is the same old song and dance, but its a very important song and dance ... so i ask, how often do i make myself the enemy of God through disobedience? how often do i choose lazy comfort over the prompting of the Spirit to go and pursue God? how often do i get frustrated and angry b/c everyone around me is not as good a driver as i am? how often do i choose to please my flesh with an extra hour of sleep than to get up earlier and be with my Lord? how often do i think of myself? how often do i make a decision in faith? you get my point ...
so as i was very distraught and wondering how the Lord could love me in lue of my sin, the ease at which i disobey, & as it were, spit in Christ's face, plunge the thorns in his brow, & crucify him again, as the pharisees and romans did. questions concerning how God could love me revolved and rotated in my heart and soul, causing a frightful awareness of the damning i deserve ...
then i listened to a voice mail from my buddy in texas ... his message was long and full of biblical truth, some good news, some hard to swallow truth too, like i am actually responsible for my disobedience before God .... amongst others... but then in the middle of the message, like sunlight shining through the clouds on a windy, cold, and gray rainy day, then hope burst forth to life in the simple words ... "Adam, the guilt you feel is due guilt, but thats the beauty of Christ, He has taken your guilt and had it laid fully on Himself, cause He can handle it and forgive you for it. thats the gospel!" ... Oooooooo! wait, thats to say that i dont have to face the damning condemnation that i deserve! thats amazingly good news! oh how praise wells up once truth is heard and know and taken for what it is ... as HOPE.
then, the matter of this confession of mine was discussed in person between my roommate and i ... it was an awesome conversation. i am very grateful for it. turns out we shared a lot of similar thoughts. also, we are both hard on ourselves, as pointed out by a friend of mine to me, and I see it in my roommate, and as we contemplated what it means to be "too hard on ourselves" the hope, joy and truth of the gospel started to well up in each of us, and between us. and oh how I praise God Almighty with my entire being for salvation and his love ... that he loves a whore and adulterous liar as myself ... and now i am mindful of, for you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" (Rom 8:15) and He predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will (Eph 1:5).
and so from these series of thoughts and conversations, by which the Lord encouraged and uplifted my head (but you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head, Psa 3:3), and filled my heart with the joyous hope of the good news that Christ has truly come and truly forgiven (let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything, Act 13:38) , not in part, but in the whole, he has wiped clean my slate and removed the certificate of dept that hung against me (you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses,by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross, Col 2:13 & 14)!
so, due my sin-filled being, I am a bastard ... and sinfully illegitimate child of God, but a child of God nonetheless b/c of Christ Jesus' great sacrifice on that hideous cross, but what a great hope it is for the Christian! I am an adopted bastard, and I praise God so for it!
Later, my roommate, another buddy and I went to dinner, came back to my place to hang out a little. I checked my leg, and sure enough, after taking the bandage up to look, the blood was boiling up and out of the wound, as if it were brand new, and not 4 or so hours old!