owned ...

I feel, for the first time in my life I can honestly say I know what it means to not be my own.

I mean, yes I belong to Christ, and I am his ... but that doesn't mean I always let him have all of me. Actually, I would say whether or not I know it, I probably don't let him have all of me any of the time. Sad day.

But as of yesterday, my life was taken from me.

Who, you ask, took my life? THESIS, TILAPIA, PLANTS, COURSE REQUIREMENTS, RESEARCH or collectively ... GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!

I literally, yesterday, had my life taken from me as I had explained to me what all must happen this summer in order that I graduate in December. And trust me, I AM GOING TO GRADUATE IN DECEMBER!!! Trust me. But it wont come easy.

Let this be a word of enlightenment to those who think graduate school is "more college" - its not. It is far from it. Try, its like a job ... but worse because it follows you everywhere, to home at the end of the day, to bed a night, to the shower in the morning ... back to the office after supper, etc ... you get my point. Don't get a 2nd degree if you are not ready to work. Of course, I can only speak for my individual degree.

Anyway, I wish I could feel as owned by Christ as I do by grad school, currently. Of course, its not a good feeling I have, so maybe I don't want to feel this way under Christ. His ownership is one of love, overflowing with gospel goodness.

That is why I am claiming, "Though my life be owned by grad school ... my heart belongs to Christ."

I will not put my hope in how "good" or "bad" grad school is, or how"busy" or "difficult" it is. It will work out to Christ's glory in the end, and that the best in my mind.

Good night. 6 am is coming quickly.