there are several undeniable things I long for, deeply rooted down within my soul, within my heart of hearts, things that repeatedly remind me on a regular basis of just how unspeakably badly I desire these things ... and these desires are good ones, God ones ...
1) a wife to love and cherish and to hold for my own for the rest of my life on this earth, someone to seek God with, to love God with, and to worship and glorify God with ... someone to laugh and cry with, to set out on adventures and dreams so beyond our reach that God will have to raise the path up to meet us, lest we fail ...
2) I am being disciplined by a friend at church and he and his wife have three children, all of whom, are awesome. but they have a 5 yr old daughter, Mary Grace, and she is the daughter I think ever father, or would-be father dreams of having ... she is cute and sweet, hilarious and spunky, full of life and seems to love unconditionally ... which maybe that's how it is when you're 5 yrs old ...
3) To adopt ... this comes up on a weekly basis ... God has given me so much, and I want to return these many blessing of my life by taking in a child from around the world who has no family, who receives no love, who is not taught in the way of Jesus ... and replace all the pain of heart ache for that child by loving he or she deeply and truly through Jesus Christ ...
4) To feed to the hungry and water the thirsty ... I am always hungry and always thirsty and I have the means of satisfying and quenching these needs as I desire &/or need to ... but a huge percentage of the world's population does not have such means or resources ... starvation and drought kill 1000's upon 1000's a year and God has given me the means and knowledge (which has a lot of developing to undergo) to pursue aiding the world in this way ... but its not just to feed them or water them ... its to provide the Bread of Life and the Living Water in the person and God of Jesus the very image of the invisible God and Creator of all things ...
and one of the more unfortunate realities of my life at its current state is that I am not, rather God has not seen fit to bring me to any of these points in my life ... and why this is unfortunate is because I am so impatient and in my own wisdom (which is an anti-wisdom) I think I am ready for these various roles, or want them badly enough to convince myself i am ready for them ... but, in the mean-time, I will wait, patiently and calmly for the Lord to provides these desires He has given me ...
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