When?

When do you know that you know, that you know, that you know?

Thats my question right now. It is primarily my question for God. "God, when will you show me so that I know, that I know, that I know?"

If you know me, you know I am on the hunt, as it were, for where the Lord is calling me into full-time missions, and agricultural missions at that. The Lord is good, and I am confident beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will know what I am suppose to do. But its the waiting, the down to the last minute feelings when I start to feel the ... maybe pressure is not the right word, but thats what I will use.

The whole time since I have been home from Costa Rica, I have been excitedly pursuing where the Lord is calling me. I know how He is calling me, but I need to know now where He is calling me so that I can put the "HOW" into action. The waiting is fine. I actually have grown to a place where I am comfortable, and truly enjoy the waiting. Its like a grand adventure ... and my heavenly Father is leading the way. Its just, He knows how & where we are going, & I do not. So I trust. Trusting to an extent is easy and fun, its exciting.

Its exciting in the sense of hiking somewhere you never have before. You may not know how well the trail is blazed, or what the blazes even are? Is it trampled underfoot frequently, is there a clear trail all the way? How far is the first shelter? Are there scenic views to slow down and enjoy on the way, waterfalls to play in, spring-fed mountain creeks or ponds to splash in? How strenuous is it?  Am I prepared to be on the trail for the full length of it?


It think all those questions can be correlated to questions I have asked myself about following and pursuing God where He leads. First, this phase of life is something I have never done before, and thus its a new adventure with my God! Do I know and will I recognize the "blazes" God has set before me? Will I follow the blazes faithfully? Have others gone before me? Are they around to advise me on my journey? Are there times and places along the path God has me on to stop and take it all in? Are there moments to enjoy Him just for who He is? Am I prepared to follow God all the way to the end of the pursuit of my calling? The last question, if I get to the end of this pursuit, or trail, and it leads to a new & unknown one, will I again follow and pursue?

I will.

But right now, I feel like I have been hiking through the night, with the limited sight of a headlamp to find my way, but that I can see the first rays of the sun over the horizon ... and that perhaps, just maybe this trail is leading me to the new trailhead called full-time missions! Just maybe?

But in the meantime, while I can see the light coming, its the waiting and trusting now that gets hard for me. This is when the trusting takes on a more serious tone, its a time for me to see God, once again, move and act with the might I know to characterize Him.

So, when will I see the sun fully come up and reveal the trail to its end? I don't know. But I will continue to call out for His voice and when I hear it, I will go to it yet again.