A Babe or Not?

Concerning [Jesus] we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

Hebrews 5:11-14

So, I ask, am I a baby, an infant in the faith, or am I mature? I am not mature in the faith, I know that. I have matured in the years since Christ redeemed me, but I am not mature, there is much growth that is needed before I would ever say that of myself.

But if the author only gives these two categories, are they the only two classifications of disciples of Christ? If they are, then by default, my previous answer means I am a babe in the faith. An infant. The first inkling of understanding I had of my need for Christ to save me came when I was 8 years old. I have grown a lot since then, a whole lot. But if by default of not being mature in the faith, & I am an infant in it, what does that mean of the last 17 years?

I base my answer of not being mature on the last part of v14, "who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil." Now, I can discern good and evil, and often I do. But what are the consequences in terms of maturity if I choose the evil over the good, even if I know the good? Or plainly, what if I choose sin over Christ? What if I choose to disobey? Am I actually discerning between good and evil correctly, because discernment seems like a fairly black and white issue?

I am not naive to think I know how much I sin, but the extent to which I do know, makes it clear to me that I am not choosing the good or right thing enough! With this is mind, I make my assumption that I am not mature in faith. This makes me sad. There may be parts or facets of faith I am mature in, but there seems to be more of faith parts I am not. So, if I had to choose mature or infant, I would have to, by necessity, choose infant.

Now, this is not hopeless, although at times I feel as though it is. It is not, and can never be, hopeless, because "with man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible!" (Matt 19:26) But this also, "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and act according to His good purpose" (Phil 2:12-13). So it is not hopeless.

So, even in the pit of despair (Ps 130) when I recognize sin in my heart and life, even when I am paralyzed in the thick miry, misery of sin, I can look up and see  "a great high priest who passed through the heavens, JESUS the Son of God, [so I] hold fast [my] confession. For [I] do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with [my] weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as [I am], yet without sin. Therefore, [I will] draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need!" (Heb 4:14-16).

So, am I an infant or not? I am. But I feel like I am walking now, maybe a bit shaky and unsteady at times, but I am walking ... and I desire deeply to run, yet I am just learning to walk. So when I fall, my great High Priest is going to always be there to lift me up again! And by practice, by denying myself, by taking up my cross, with fear and trembling, and by God working in me I shall someday be made mature, "complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:4), just as Jesus Christ is.

In the meantime, I apply for mercy and grace to help in time of need. I have a lot of times of need. But I have an even greater sympathetic High Priest, Jesus the Christ!